Friday 22 April 2022



As I get older it seems that I only write on the passing of those that I have known at Shipley. One such was IAN HARDWICK who has sadly left us. Ian was a lovely man with a subtle sense of fun which was never far from the surface.

I am sure I can be forgiven to describe him as an average cricketer who  nonetheless enjoyed every minute on the cricket field  whether with some obdurate batting or subsequently when raising his finger with equal joy as a league umpire

For some years he kept me amused with  a series of funnies  that he had discovered. I repeat one such rendering which perhaps sums him up more than my own words

 

LEXOPHILIA - WHO ON EARTH DREAMS THESE UP?  I don't know, but they are clever and will give you a few groans as well!

Why? A lexophile of course!

        How does Moses make tea?   Hebrews it. 

•        Venison for dinner again?   Oh deer!

•        A cartoonist was found dead in his home.  Details are sketchy.

•        I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

•        Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes.

•        England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

•        I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

•        They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Typo.

•        I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.

•        Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

•        I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.

•        I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.

•       This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’m sure I'd never met herbivore.

•        When chemists die, they barium.

•        I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.  I just can't put it down.

•        I did a theatrical performance about puns.  It was a play on words.

•        Why were the Indians here first?  They had reservations.

•        I didn't like my beard at first.  Then it grew on me.

•        Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

•        When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

•        Broken pencils are pointless.

•        What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?  A thesaurus.

•        I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

•        All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen.  The police have nothing to go on.

•        I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

•        Velcro - what a rip off!


Ian was not in good health in later life but bore his difficulties with great fortitude and never lost the ability to find amusement. He will be sadly missed but fondly remembered